Cultivating Spiritual Independence

What is the goal for teaching our children spiritual independence? Teaching spiritual independence can be challenging as we want to be sure the foundation is there, but at the same time, we need to teach them to think and study for themselves. During the teen years they ask lots of questions, and as they grow to adulthood, they begin to form their own standards and convictions. Teaching them independence and study skills to find the answers they seek is key.

I asked my friend Debbie to share her thoughts as a pastor’s wife and fellow homeschool mom. Here is what she shared:

Spiritual independence can be taught much like any life skill we teach to our children. When they are learning to feed themselves physically, they first watch us. Then when they are able, we teach them how to use a spoon to get food into their mouths. Finally, we hand them the spoon and let them feed themselves. It is the same with spiritual independence, we must model it, teach it, and provide opportunities for them to practice and grow.

Our children are taking their cues from us regarding spiritual disciplines. It is important that they see us reading, studying, and memorizing our Bibles. They need to hear us pray, hear us talk about what we have learned from our own Bible study, and watch us serve the Lord with joy. We need to demonstrate that a relationship with God is more than obeying a set of rules; it is a relationship with a real person in whom we find pleasure and fulfillment as well as guidance and instruction. So much of what they learn about their own spiritual lives, they learn by watching us. This may mean they see us fail, ask forgiveness, and find restoration in our relationships with them or in other areas of our lives. We are not perfect. They need to know that there is always room for growth.

The spiritual disciplines of prayer, Bible study, spiritual growth, and service do not come naturally. They have to be taught. Teach your children how to read their Bibles by assigning Bible reading based on their ages and abilities. (I really appreciated the Bible reading schedule in the BJU Press elementary Bible curriculum.) As they grow in their ability to understand what they are reading, discuss it with them. Teach them how to journal what God teaches them from His Word. Teach them how to pray and keep track of answers to their prayers. Do a Bible study together with the purpose of teaching them how to mine God’s truth for themselves. Help them find biblical answers to struggles they encounter with their friends. Focus on teaching them how to know God for themselves. As we continually point them back to God and His Word, they will begin to realize that God alone has the answers and guidance that they need for their lives. Simply telling them what God says doesn’t help them learn for themselves.

Modeling and instruction are important, but until our children step out on their own, they remain spiritually dependent. As they mature they need the opportunity to take responsibility for feeding themselves spiritually. Perhaps assign a passage for everyone in the family to read and study. Then come together and allow each person to share what they have found. Their conclusions won’t always be the same as Mom and Dad’s, but the spiritual exercise will prepare them for feeding themselves. Questions are inevitable. It is natural for children to question what they are being taught. Use their questions as opportunities for them to find their own answers and develop their own standards based on God’s Word.

Granted, we don’t generally pray about our children’s ability to learn to feed themselves physically. We can be fairly certain they will learn eventually. But we cannot make that assumption with spiritual independence. We have an enemy who will do all in his power to prevent spiritual growth in us and our children. And so we must add the weapon of supplication and intercession to our plan. We must pray that God will open their eyes to His truth, give them a humble, obedient heart, and lead them in the way that He would have them go.